Dear Heavenly Father
My bf John Kemp whose been fighting cancer since beginning 2021 has gone back to work he still fighting the cancer. I know hes not well at times and he's exhausted and stressed out. I know he provides for his blind brother Mike. I asked he give Mike some responsibilities like pay half his groceries. I feel like John is killing himself with work. I was honest with him he didn't take it well. Im just concerned and worried. I myself am trying to get through this class I'm taking which truthfully I'm not doing as great in. As far as right now goes John doesn't want to talk to me and more. We are both upset...Father please forgive me for all my sins. I'm down on my knees asking you continue to place your healing hands on John rid of all the cancer cells. I understand with his time with military govt work the last 20+ years and many deployments he still struggles with his PTSD. I understand he feels responsible for his blind brother Mike. I love him for his heart but I also said he needs to let Mike be more responsible and for him to stress less and not take on so much. He's angry at me right now I'm also angry. I pray to have him calm and talk to me and realize in order for him to fight the cancer that he needs to focus on taking care of himself. I know he is stressed financially. I have my final next week and after that I will work on my resume to see if I can find a remote job to help John and I financially. I don't ask him for help as I know he needs less stress and really to take care of his mind and body. Once I can find a job which has been a challenge due to gap in employment since I had my strokes lost my speech. Which is why I am back at school to finish my undergrad work so this can help me find a job. Father I trust in you. I know you understand that I am full of worry and anxiety. It's not easy. Im coming to you trusting you and letting go giving you all my worries and anxieties. I love John so much we are currently still long distance. I will continue to love on John so much despite I am hurt and upset myself right now. I do know he needs to be loved on. I will continue to pray daily keep hope alive and keep faith that you Father will guide us through these difficult times. Thank you for your undying love and grace you give to John and I.
Since the situation with John plus being long distance. I have moved out of my sister's since September. She reached out to me to spend Thanksgiving with her if I'm not with John. I'm full of anxieties with family. I'm reluctant to go but I said yes and gave her specifics when I would arrive at her place when I would leave. Please also give me strength to get through time with my sister Helen. I know she suffers from depression anxiety but also I keep my distance from family overall for my own mental well being.
Father thank you for what you will continue to do in my life and John's. I'm praying I have more time with John my best friend even though he's angry at me and says we are no longer together. It's nothing new with his PTSD and since he and I have been together in 2013 it's been difficult. He seems to always be angry at me only but talking to VA it's always ones closer they show anger towards. VA has guided me to focus on myself during those times and when he wants the support to be there. Which I have and will continue to do.. sometimes I feel so defeated and weak cry out to you Father. I am grateful for another chance at life since my strokes. I know I'm strong and can through this with your grace and love and be a loving consistent support for John even though he wants nothing from me at the moment. I know this isn't the John I know. He is my Best Friend. In Jesus name. Amen