Dear Heavenly Father
I can't sleep will do my best too but also I'm being picked up by transportation super early so I can make my way to the hospital where I see my Dr as I need to pick up my 3 month supply injection for my diabetes at the hospital pharmacy I don't drive since my strokes. I also have John on my mind and praying he's getting rest right now as he has treatments for his cancer at 11 am TX time. Also I know Mother's day just past and my late mom is on my mind. She passed when I was 13 years old from her long battle with health issues. When she was pregnant with me she had gestional diabetes then after I was delivered she had diagnosed with diabetes and had to take insulin and more medications. She ended up having her stroke when I was 8 or 9 my father didn't want to take her to the hospital but a family friend forced him to take my mom after a week not feeling well and she was on such horrible shape. My heart was so broken to see her in so much pain. She was basically bed ridden and I had to take the responsibility of being her caregiver. My mom she was so loving and even though I didn't have much time with her I would do it all over again to take care of my mom. I miss her so much. I have some guilt not paying respects to her yesterday since not driving it's a bit difficult to get to the cemetery where she's laid to rest. Father please forgive me for all my sins. I know that you Father and my late mother were watching over me during the time of my strokes and being admitted to ICU in 2015. I don't want to have all these issues with my sisters and father...I love my family but I also need to love myself and help myself too. I wished my mother was here with me today I know she is in spirit. Father please continue to guide John through his treatments and fight in this cancer. I pray that you will continue to guide me through many days of crying as I feel I have no one else to express my thoughts and feelings. I know Father it's you who is always there by my side. I'm doing my best to pray everyday keep faith keep hope alive and find my guidance in your true love and undying grace for me. I miss my beautiful mother. I pray you place your healing hands on John rid of this awful cancer. Guide me in my school when I have anxiety after strokes to get through this, I pray for continued social security disability so I can continue my 8 medications daily continue my stroke recovery and work on getting stronger and healthy. I pray for peace within my family. As much as I'm trying to place boundaries for my health sake physically and mentally. I just want my sister's to be happy and learn to respect me as well. I know they love me but it's buried under all what they are suffering from mentally on their own. I need to focus on my health and really they don't understand what I have gone through from taking care of my beloved mother to my own health issues since 18. It hasn't been easy and still continues to be a challenge...
Thank you Father I know I'm all over the place mentally...it's been hard. I love you...In Jesus' name..Amen.