Dear Heavenly Father
So earlier this week I went to go to my appointment that disability set for me for my renewal of my social security disability. Father, please forgive me for all my sins. Please pray that I get good news in regards to my social security disability renewal. I on so many medications 8 or more I've had chronic illness since I was 18 but in 2015 suffered 2 strokes. Left the hospital lost my speech cognitive and memory. I just started online schooling to finish my undergraduate degree so I can eventually get back into work force. My plan is to continue school then after I hear back from disability is to move to be with John my boyfriend whose fighting Stage 4 Stomach Cancer since January 2021 so I can be with him and spend time with him. My health can be better. I haven't taken as great care as I should. With all the stresses of John's health being so far away and just making improvements with my own health and going through school which I just started over a month ago it's my family. I understand that they have mental health issues, Father the last few days I have stood my ground bc my sister Helen I live with is trying to control me and I refuse to be controlled bc her or the rest of my family have no idea what I go through health wise. Going through therapy I understand that once I place boundaries I have to understand they will get angry. I know everything she says about me saying I'm 42 and barely getting by haven't finished school to talking horribly about John. I love her and want her happy but I'm my heart once I move I need to love from afar and that it. I know this is abusive it's not only her, my father all my life has been like this my eldest sister to even my brother in law. Even my late step mother who passed last year was horrible to me. I've learned that I'm the scapegoat and need to step away from family as my family won't change and I need to protect myself. I have asked to not be yelled at, controlled and more but it won't stop. I'm loving myself and know that Father you gave me grace when told me my life isn't over when my 2 strokes happened even my Dr says I'm very lucky to be here today. I love John and want to be here for him but I'm learning that I do need to step away from my family. That's all I know and I thank you for still doing what you can for John. Please continue to lay your healing hands on John. He has continued treatments this coming up Monday he's currently on the road working. I know he's exhausted...please keep him safe as he prepares to get home and get ready for Monday for his treatments. I wished I can be there with him until I get word on disability (praying that I can get some more help). I'm in tears all around so overwhelmed finished finals last week didn't do great but I worked so hard to get an A in class and soooo exhausted. Im took the first step today to eat healthy as I know with all my health issues it's needed. Please continue to guide me it's hard bc I'm falling into depression living with my sister and just dealing with my family which I fall into unhealthy eating and that doesn't help my health. I will continue to do my best to stay on track with my eating. I needed to get this all out as I have John to talk to but he doesn't need this right now as I want him to focus on fighting the cancer and I know he's very protective of me and dislikes my family but also how they have treated him as well. My apologies for just going on I may be all over the place and maybe not make sense. I've been crying myself to sleep. Thank you for always being out guiding light with your true love and undying grace. Thank you for what you will continue to do for me. I will pray everyday keep faith keep hope alive. I love you. In Jesus'name. Amen.