Dear Heavenly Father
This is Janet (my boyfriend John Kemp fighting Stage 4 Stomach Cancer since January. He lives in TX (for work military/govt) and I'm in CA) As I ask for continued prayers for my boyfriend John, I'm coming to you for prayers for me. 5 years ago I suffered 2 severe strokes in the hospital for a month. Father, I know you and my beloved mother in Heaven were watching over me. Making it possible for me to be here and love and support John. Long story short since my strokes it's been a struggle and feeling a lone. John has done what he could from afar with work and him financially supporting his late mother (Feb 2020) that had dementia and his blind brother Mike. My family has been too much to handle. They try to control me (in some ways I understand they love me) but this is destroying our relationships. They got involved in my relationship with John while I was in hospital 5 years ago jeopardized his job/security clearance by leaving a not so great voicemail. My brother in law who was going through a lot wasn't the greatest to me during this time. Felt a lone being painted as a villian when a year or two after my strokes I was still trying to wrap my head around what happened and move forward in recovery. I was lucky physically I had little deficits but lost my speech. Had intensive speech therapy for a long time before I felt comfortable understanding and speaking while going through processes of disability. I've had deep hurts lately with family. My stepmom recently passed away so my 80 yr old father needs care. They (my older sisters both have houses spare rooms and no health issues like I do) were originally said my dad would live with my eldest. Then suddenly, they asked me to live with my dad portraying he doesn't need to be taken care of he is loosing his hearing in both ears refuses to wear hearing aids and has never cooked in his life. I said no and they got angry and in turn I got angry.
I doing my best to keep faith pray and be hopeful. I still have many health issues (PCOS, diabetes, hypertension, more) on many medications. It hasn't been easy as I worry about my boyfriend John and eventually I would like to go back to work but as of right now I need to focus on my health, love and support John and try to think about what I can do for work eventually. I am on SSDI for now. Father, I am down on my knees. I am here to serve you. Please forgive me for all my sins. Please guide me in my health and anxiety. I'm trying to get my stuff act together in terms of my health with my recent follow up with my Dr, I have no clue what I can do for work I did marketing prior to my strokes, continue to guide me in lovinh and supporting my boyfriend John. In terms of my family it's very codependent always me the horrible person in family. I finally had to tell them Im not talking to them and need to focus on me. They have no clue what I go through health wise. I was 9 years old when my mom had her stroke and I was her caregiver it was mainly my mom and I until she passed no one else in family wanted to help. And I feel like it's the same thing all over again. I can't take care of my dad when I have to also keep healthy as I can have more strokes. I'm at a lost. I just take a day at a time focus on faith keep my boyfriend live and supported from afar until I can visit him. Father, thank you being my saving grace giving life after my strokes. I'm in tears down on my knees with health issues, anxiety, concerned for my boyfriend and feel my family just hates me in some ways. I needed to say no to living with my dad and my Dr agreed it was a good call with my recent lab work and new medication added to many that I already take. Please guide me help me with my anxiety. Thank you, Father for the undying love and support. It took me so look to ask for prayers for me as I've been concerned for my boyfriend John (my best friend). In Jesus' name. Amen.